update

Today I have reinstated some of the old posts which I have earlier decided to keep hidden. This is for purpose of copyright-proof only. I'll not advertise them. See them as the product of schizophrenic delusion if you will, I don't care.

This Chinese song always reminds of that Ms. Wong at the hostel in China. Do not know why!

birthday

last night during the german lady's get-together she asked for my birthday and i gave it to her. it's of course not a good idea to let her know my birthday, because she has been collecting my information, most likely to report me to the authority, to give to the authority more information for the purpose of my identification. once again i should have lied but my habit of always telling the truth is simply too ingrained. now the person behind the infamous email address to which several negative reports are tied is acquiring flesh. the german lady has also been wanting my exact address but hadn't yet acquired it. remember, she doesn't like me at all and wishes to get rid of me, by either helping to get me locked up and/or deprived of internet use, without which i won't be able to attend her meetings.

perhaps she also feels a sense of duty toward society, that she should contribute her part in removing from society a non-conforming, disgusting, and abnormal element which is identified thanks to the department of homeland security.

what has she been reporting about me? the non-sensical emails... that someone who is "not right" is in her people's midst. at the very least she could be reporting that i'm suspicious of her, that i suspect that she is reporting on me which would do me harm. then my fear would get confirmed through a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy! LOL. she could be reporting that i think that everyone is trying to get the authority to get me, which reporting would result in the authority coming to get me!

she probably also has some inkling of the fact that i like her so much that i would never blame her whatever she is about to do to me. but it's probably not a good feeling to be liked by someone like me. that then would need to be reported too... on the other hand, she has been giving me a bit of warmth once a week by having short chats with me here and there. i only wish i could do something or change myself in some way so as to make myself slightly more likable to her and to others. but that doesn't seem possible. even if i could, the alerts broadcast to everyone about me would have immediately destroyed my chance with other people and nullified any positive change i have made of myself.

if, by the way, there is someone so bored with life as to read this blog and finding that none of the posts here make sense, just remember that this blog is not supposed to make sense!

it's time to get rid of this blog.

more framing

because of the alert that's broadcast to everyone, everyone now becomes suspect. an hour ago when i sat down in a restaurant to have my dinner, the young couple sitting next to me, seeing me, immediately started talking about the *xt*rm*n*tion of minorities and something else about german j*ws. they, having seen the alert which ridiculously claims that i am a n*z* (as if african americans can join the triple k) with most likely the instruction to talk like a n*z* when i am around in hope that i'll join in with enthusiasm, did so per instruction. i of course only felt nausea and the need to vomit, so i moved to a different seat to have some quietude. but the couple would very likely go ahead to falsely report on me anyway to the authority, saying i said the stuff that they said, so as to add another negative report to that pile i have talked about. way to go!

today's bad luck

this afternoon while i was using computer at the medical center library, a college student girl came and sat on the station next to mine and took out her laptop and started using it but never touched the station computer. i became curious and asked her why she sat in front of a library computer but did not use it and used her laptop instead. she replied that there was no place else for her to sit and use her laptop. strange explanation since there were plenty of seats around. it's probably a big mistake for me to talk to her at all, for it's most likely a trap. given my infamy in the medical center and the fact that everyone here hates me, she probably did this purposely, doing something strange next to me and waiting for me to ask her what's up, so that she could afterwards complain to the security guard saying i harrassed her, even though all i did was ask her why she sat down on a computer station only to use her own laptop. all the security guards here knew my name and address and all the other information about me, so it'd be very easy for them to identify me. the security probably told her, yeah, we know this guy, there have been a lot of complaints about him. another piece of negative report would have been added onto the pile of negative reports about me at the law enforcement database. this is what i get when i attempt any sort of human contact at all. i should have learned to watch out and never talk to strangers! they are all here to harm me!

today's short reflection on the coming misfortune

what does the trojan horse in my laptop do other than slowing it down and occasionally playing prank on me such as incessantly opening up my browser? perhaps the hacker wants to plant false evidence on my computer so as to get me in trouble?

since "their" goal is to get me arrested while i'm totally unawares, it is possible that the final source of the misfortune to come (the coming imprisonment) may be something completely unexpected, not the german lady, not my best friend, not any of the people i have regular contact with. perhaps it will be a falsely reporting stranger i have seen only once, or perhaps a source i have never even been in contact with. in any case, something should happen in 30 days or so.

my records

went today to the police headquarter's record office to see if i could take a look at the accumulation of negative reports about me. one office wouldn't let me see it and the other office said they didn't have any records about me. for sure both offices were lying. presumably the police has already ascertained that i am the one whom everyone has reported about; otherwise, by showing up at the police station and showing them my id, i had just helped them and let them know that i was the one they were trying to identify! self-entrapment!

more worries

now i think about it: last saturday night when the german lady drove me to the metro station there was a police officer already waiting there to watch her dropping me off. this was certainly a bad sign. the german lady probably was planning on falsely reporting me to the police, so she had the police officer wait there to serve as witness that i had indeed ridden in her car. the false report was either to prepare the ground for my coming imprisonment, or at the very least was to be used for dissemination to international authorities as a way to ban me from travelling oversea in the future. the second possibility is no big deal since, as i said before, i'm really going nowhere, but the first possibility frightens me.

what could she falsely report me on? either i did this or that in her car when i had done nothing, or to frame me into that most dispecable thing (p*d*p**l*) that my best friend was trying to frame me into....

everyday when i wake up i feel a little sadder, knowing that i'm closer to the day i will be locked up due to being framed.

but i don't blame the german lady, as i said before....

a reminder to the previous explanation

oh and a reminder. at that time the possibility that the chinese might have freeloaded massive amount of intelligence from the american and canadian intelligence data-base and archive hadn't come to my mind yet.

the answer to the rest of the mystery

now let me give just the rest of the explanation of that fantastic scenario to get this thing over and done with. contrary to what people around might have thought, i'm actually not interested in acts resembling the so-called treason. after i have finally figured things out during my stay in hong kong, i could have decided to really hurt the united states by pretending to be anti-chinese or what you call a "t*rr*r*st s*sp*ct", but i didn't. that was never quite my intention. in reality, i felt very much in a bind. i truly didn't want the world to change, and certainly not because of me. i'm an ultra conservative... i wished i could just diffuse the matter, but i didn't see any way out. in such a bind, i decided to do nothing except tell the truth, and let others fight their things of their own accord. thus whenever those coming to run sting operation on me asked me about my intention for coming to china, i always answered truthfully (the simple goals of a new, normal life). by the time i flew to europe, i was almost certain that, although the united states didn't succeed in its counter-suit, the chinese would have withdrawn the case, seeing how risky it was to mess with the united states. but by february i realized that the case was never withdrawn, and that for either side there was only winning or losing without a third alternative. now i felt i was in an even greater bind. i couldn't possibly go home if the united states continued to carry the stigma of having violated united nation resolution. now the balance of power in the world was bound to change. but then so be it. the only way to put an end to this was for united states to win. so then it became evident that the chinese finally lost the case, which meant that the initial evidence proving that the united states had lied -- that little fbi document that "big sister" had left behind in china -- would have been suppressed. my call to my social worker and to my family members then came just in time, allowing the lawyers on the american side to extract perfunctory evidence that the united states didn't lie and didn't commit perjury after all. when i perceived that the crisis was over, i thought i could at last return home to my best friend and the german lady. my point is, throughout i have never intentionally tried to hurt the united states.